One of Those People
by Ms Starlight
Summary: Zack thinks about something Max said to him


Rating: G

Disclaimer: I'm broke, all you'll get by suing me is a bag of gummy worms

A/N: I've been considering writing this fic for a long time and since I've got some time today, and seem to be stuck on the new one I'm working on, I thought I'd just get it out of my system. It's short, and probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense...I probably shouldn't write when I'm tired....

One of Those People

Zack sat and watched distantly as a tiny, fragile monarch fluttered by to land on a pristine, white flower. The insects spindly legs held up it's body as if it were floating on some distant cloud. He'd been sitting in the park for hours, the thick grass beneath him flatted to the ground under his weight. Nothing in particular had captured his attention until the small butterfly wandered by.

He stared, hearing Max's voice in his head while his gray eyes remained riveted on the orange and black geometric pattern of the butterfly's wings. He could almost see her endless, dark eyes in the splotches of black. She'd looked him right in the eye and said it.

_Don't tell me your one of those people..._

Max questioned fate, didn't believe that in life there was anything before or after. Zack himself struggled with the idea of eternity. The idea of forever made him uncomfortable. How could any person really believe in Heaven? How could anyone be happy forever? Did he even want to exist forever? No...but the idea that someday he would no longer exist made a sick feeling rise up in his stomach as well.

Maybe he _was_ one of those people. Perhaps there was some kind of strange meaning to everything, some destination. The idea that he'd lived before in some other body, some other time, was oddly comforting. Yet, he wondered if perhaps his current life was some sort of punishment for past indiscretions. 

Was there some reason -- some unfathomable plan -- that he was sitting alone in a park staring at a butterfly regretting the fact that he was alive? 

Everyone held onto something, some source of hope and purpose. Zack had nothing. Maybe being one of those people wouldn't be so bad...maybe he could move on with death to some new place and time. He could be normal, live the life he was so bitterly jealous of. He wouldn't have to be afraid.

Zack had done a fair amount of research into religion in his lost search for purpose. When he'd suggested to Max that they'd known each other in another life, he hadn't meant anything akin to religion. He'd meant Manticore...the whole ordeal still did seem like some sort of terrible nightmare, as if he'd wake up from it at any moment. However, when she reacted as if his statement was one based in theology, it had given him something to think about. 

Zack didn't want forever, he didn't want to remember. What he really wanted, the desire that was at the very base of his world, was a second chance. He wanted to be able to do everything over again, start fresh. He wanted to have all the chances everyone else got, wanted to have a mother and a father...real brothers and sisters. He wanted to play with the wild abandon of a child, to revel in innocence. To go to school, get a job, and maybe someday he'd even marry and have children of his own. 

He wanted to believe...wanted to be able to just have faith and not question everything he came across. Unfortunately, it wasn't in his nature to blindly believe in anything. He didn't know if this screwed up life he existed in was his only chance, or if the heavens would let him try again. 

Sometimes he imagined that he'd already lived a hundred life times, that he'd done everything and had been everywhere. He'd loved, lived, and died...and that somehow that was the way it was supposed to be. He imagined that Manticore and all his pain had some secret reason behind them, that nothing was inherently bad because it was all meant to be. 

No...Manticore had been evil, nothing about it could have possibly been good. Not living at all was a more pleasing thought than what was ahead of him. The only way out was through a door of mystery, a step into the unknown he was too frightened to take. Either way, eternity or oblivion, he wasn't satisfied. Both were just as un-nerving and unthinkable. 

The butterfly he had been staring so hard at flew away then, wobbling with a tongue and belly full of honeyed nectar. The little bug looked so simply pleased, it needed nothing more than a flower and a sunny day to be happy forever. 

Forever...those people didn't worry about forever because their forever was filled with innumerable lifetimes and adventures, filled with the knowledge that whatever happened occurred for a reason. It gave substance to their pain, made it more bearable. 

Sighing, he got up, stretching his aching muscles.

_ Don't tell me you're one of those people..._

If only he could be...


End file.
